I Feel Like an UGLI

Something happened this morning with the cheery voiced woman on the other end of the phone call she placed to arrange scheduling for my appointment with the endocrinologist. Yesterday, my oncologist referred me to that office because of high T4 Free level of 5.6 ng/dl (historically it’s never been above 1.7 where it was as recently as 3 weeks ago). With bubbly voice full of sunshine she told me that the soonest I could see the doctor was the 11th of April. “That’s a month away” I said, “can’t it be any sooner?” She reconsidered and said that there was something available on April 10! Since this is something that the oncologist watches for, and my second infusion, which gives my immune system it’s marching orders, has been delayed a week already … I fear that it may be delayed even further until after April 10 while the docs figure out this new wrinkle. It was only as I hung up the phone after pleading with sunshine and bubbles to put me on a cancellation list that I realized something had happened.

What was it? I felt the pressure of discouragement. While the medical characters do their dance behind the scenes I’m tired and weary with no energy. I’d like to be driving, sewing, working in the yard! But even a 3 minute walk finds me exhausted. I sleep too much during the day although if I lie down on the bed, Hairy Potter is likely to join me, snuggle in, and purr while we both fall asleep. I have the attention span of half an hour before nodding off. I’m not eating much and what I do eat is fiber less and I’ve lost my taste for some food. I’ve lost 20 lbs in the last 30 days. And I have to wait for almost a month before determining what the next step is. Yeah … I’m discouraged. I feel like the UGLI looks!

Thankful, though that I have a patient, though not always cheery and bubbly, girlfriend. But I know I don’t have to wait a month to access her store of hugs. Thankful also for those who are praying for me and those caring for me. Thankful most of all for the Lord who speaks encouragement to my heart. I’m not always in the mood to listen … but He still walks beside as a Faithful Comforter and I can tell Him about my discouragement.