“For Your Viewing Pleasure”

The day is off to a good start with my 3M Medical team; Mackenzie, Mandi and MaKenna. I was up just before 6AM and took a walk on a quiet floor, mostly empty of any signs of life. Ohhh … that is not typically the ideal situation in a hospital, is it! After returning to my room I noted the blood donor wagon in the room across from mine. In anticipation that I might be the next victim, I turned around and left my room again, hoping to perhaps hide from the blood seeking sweetie! My night nurse snuck up behind me asking if I was ready for the day … I was unaware of her approach and actually jumped, fearing it was the proprietor of the blood donor wagon. I was relieved to see her instead and told her that I was fleeing when she told me that the one I was fleeing was right behind us! Thankfully, she had no orders for me and that was that! Delivered!

The night was passed without incident, no abdominal pain. The hat trick I was hoping for yesterday did not materialize. I slept good though. Now, as I await the arrival of my girlfriend, I’ve had another clear liquid breakfast, I’ve showered and put on fresh clothes and wait to see what the rest of the day holds.

By the way, I DID have another “movement” this morning. I resisted the life long habit of flushing and forced myself to go and press the call button. After depriving yesterday’s nurse Ellie of her desire to “go and look” I remembered this morning what I was supposed to do.

The nurse’s aid showed up and the following conversation ensued: Me: “I didn’t think I would ever say these words but, I’ve left something in the stool for your viewing pleasure” She looked a little non-plussed and asked me for specifics as to what exactly was in there. Upon receiving that information she indicated that she had to get a nurse and hastily exited the room. Representatives from the team arrived and I watched them enter the privy … heard the flush … and watched as they emerged with faces filled with glee!

I thought to myself, “These people ARE a little odd” This was confirmed for me by the fact that when I inquired as to what they had learned by looking, they could not tell me! That left me with to options: either they looked for the pleasure, or for purposes of confirmation of the record.

A bit later, the captain of today’s team showed up and instructed the other two to give me a powder treatment … in my GROIN!!!!!! Good grief, they want to look at my poop and then do something with my Groin?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I was ready to star fleeing again and look for the blood donor maven and ask her to rescue me! I protested … earnestly so … so they investigated. Turns out, that the instructions were made in error. I’m taking medication for the thrush in my mouth that is sometimes used, in powder form, for other purposes which involve the groin. Whew! Crisis averted.

Well, the girlfriend has arrived … and the virtual nurse is knocking.

Lord, in the morning you hear my voice. In the morning I lay it all out before you. Then I wait expectantly. Psalm 5.3