The Relation Between My Sinuses and My Underwear

briefsI’ve had a battle this season with the sinus infection.  Linda tells me that this is the third time this year and it’s getting tiresome. The second bout found me getting acquainted with the idea of “hosing my nose”; the process of washing my sinus cavities out with salt water by forcing salt water up one nostril and out the other.  Sounds fun, eh?  Well, it actually sounds a lot worse than it is but just the idea of it runs counter to one’s innate sense of self-preservation.

After a few days of respite, the third round began.  This time, it moved from my head to my chest and I’m wheezing and rattling like Darth Vader or a creaky door with each breath and blowing my nose about every five minutes.  The chest rattle was keeping me awake at night.  I broke down and went to see the Doctor at the clinic yesterday.  The nurse who checked my vitals left the room after saying, “I’ll tell the doctor you are ready and she will be in soon.”  I think of myself as open-minded about such things, so I was a little surprised at the slight twinge of discomfort I felt upon hearing that the doctor was a “she”.  When “she” arrived, she was sporting blonde spiked hair, with blue eyes and designer glasses.  She appeared to be in her late 50s and she was very business-like.  I forgot about the fact that she was a “she” and relaxed.  She identified the problem and, unlike our President, announced that she was “going to go after this aggressively by hitting it on three fronts”.  So I came home with a cold remedy, a nasal spray with steroids (my nose will now become ripped), and an antibiotic.  The experience at the Pharmacy was another episode of “Jeske’s Law” but I’ll not go into that now.

So (It drives me crazy when people start their sentences with that word and they seem to be doing it more and more).  “What does all this have to do with my underwear?”, you ask.  That is, after all, what drew you to read this in the first place, right?

Well, the excessive use of handkerchiefs has created a shortage of clean ones.  I’m now reduced to using a pair of white briefs to collect the slimy expulsions from my nasal passages.

There!  Now you know!