I am of the opinion that the composition of tech support teams is based upon finding those who must be below a very low threshold when it comes to having a command of the English language. Furthermore, they must be people who have a minimal ability to think independently about anything that is not written on the flowchart flip cards on the desk in front of them. They are almost like the folks who appear at your door from time to time in white shirt and tie and they have their little spiel. Get them out of their “spiel track” and they are lost. I’ve recently come to understand that very long pauses filled with silence serve to prolong the time they spend with you so that they don’t have to face the next challenge that is waiting in the queue. I may be convinced, however, that they are checking their e-mail or Facebook and perhaps even reading a 3rd grade primer about Dick and Jane and their dog Spot, a la “See Spot run, Jack! Spot runs fast! Run, Spot, run! Spot runs very fast!” Ah … but the word “fast” is a word most of these tech support people are unfamiliar with. Perhaps that’s 5th grade level? Furthermore, if you ask them during one of those long pauses “are you still there” and you get a response of “Yes, I’m just getting all the details down”, that is code for, “I have no idea how to figure out what to do next.”
I know whereof I speak because since Sunday morning I’ve spent more than 3 hours as the victim off the product formed by the maxim: “If you can’t do anything useful, become a tech support person.”
And then today, I met a marvelous woman named Teresa … on a tech support call of all places!!!! She spoke English (southern style) and was cheery and helpful and intelligent. When I told her my woes and explained the problem she thought a moment … just a moment (as she “got all the details”) and then said, “Hmmmmm”. Those were my thoughts exactly!!! Hmmmmmm!!!! I won’t reiterate all the details and bore you with all the ins and outs that she was absorbing but it has been a mess of inefficiency, stupidity and just plain idiocy.
Bottom line: In just a few minutes Teresa dispelled the miasmic cloud of irritation … I mean she solved all the problems and cleaned up the mess and refunded me 67.00 that I should never have been charged to boot! On top of that I got a lovely empty box that was delivered overnight by FedEx … a box that I was promised would never come … by one of those denizens of the lower realms of tech support.
I just love Teresa! I told her she was worth her weight in gold, even though I had no idea how much she weighed. With a smile in her voice she said it wasn’t much. I thanked her for speaking English and told her that I thought HP needed more people like her. She smiled again and apologized for the southern lilt to her voice. I told her I thought it was wonderful! With my sweet wife standing behind me, I told Teresa “If I were not married I’d be inclined to invite you to have dinner with me.” She giggled and said if she did that her husband would kill her!
That’s OK … I still love you Teresa! Thanks!!! Thank you Lord, for the occasional Teresa in places populated by marginal morons.
(Note: my apologies to any tech support people who really do take pride in their jobs and work hard to offer quick and helpful assistance. Know that by this writer, at least, you are appreciated as the exception to the rule. Keep up the good work … you CAN change the world!)